when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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