You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
