I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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