yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
