Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
