Even the bartender felt bad for me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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