Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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