Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
