Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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