Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
