Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
