Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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