Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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