I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
