is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
