Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
