I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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