Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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