I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
