New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
