OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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