Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
