I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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