The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
be right there i have to get my cape
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
