Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
