My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Boobs are out for the taking
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
