Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
