I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
