So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
