I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
