he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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