yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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