have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
