I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
