why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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