So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
