well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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