Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
