we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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