he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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