So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
