Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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