Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
