Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
