So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
