Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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