My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
