Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
