the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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