I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
