not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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