Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
