In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
