help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
